The Birth

In just less than 2 hours, my babies will be 2 weeks old.  It's been quite a while since I posted last so quickly, a recap.  By April 22nd, I was done working.  The exhaustion and swelling were getting to be too much.  Three days later, I lost my mucus plug.  Tami had me reschedule my ultrasound for that afternoon so we could find out the babies' positions.  That's when we learned that Jaxon was sitting on my cervix.  Yes, he was breach.  We talked about it and considered the risks.  Things had gone very well up until that point and breach is a viable birthing position so we decided to go ahead with our plans.  For the next three weeks I agonized, not sleeping a wink and incredibly uncomfortable, thinking that they were coming any day now.  During those weeks, I was pretty laid up.  But I didn't fill my time with  endless Stargate or Farscape on my Netflix, or even books and the computer.  I spent a lot of it just resting and contemplating.  It was in those quiet moments that God put on my heart his true love and compassion for me.  He was pleased with me.  He loved me and he would always take care of me, no matter what.  It was the "no matter what" part that struck me so deeply.  I knew back when we found out that I was carrying twins that our chance of a successful home birth went down, then when we found out Jaxon was breach they pretty much dropped to nil.  But I wanted to be faithful to the promise I'd made to myself and to God.  I wanted to labor for my children and I wanted each contraction to be a sacrifice of praise.

On May 13th, I woke from a morning nap and my water broke on the dining room floor.  Just to be sure, I tried to stop the flow, as if I had lost control of my bladder.  Nope, it kept right on coming.  The day had finally arrived.  I called Tami first and then my mom.  I texted my mother-in-law, Jan, because she was still at school.  Finally I called Josh.  It could have taken up to 12 hours for the contractions to start and I didn't want him rushing home for no reason.  It was a beautiful day.  My mom wasn't having it.  She arrived at my house at noon and at that same time I had my first contraction.  Josh was anxious to be with me so I told him to go ahead and come home.  Jan got there after school.  Things were going pretty good and by 7pm I was ready to have Tami and Brenda there.  The intensity and frequency were really picking up.  Then the work began.  From 7pm to 7am I labored with my husband, my mother and his mother.  Each in turn, holding me, bracing me or just speaking encouragement in my ear.

I really wasn't even in that place anymore.  I walked with the angels that night.  The Lord was holding my hand.  They came every 3-5 minutes and lasted about a minute each.  I was not at anytime allowed to push because of Jaxon's position.  We were planning to let the contractions and my body get him out most of the way.  But something just wasn't right.  I was dilating but he was not engaging.  He stubbornly refused to come down into the birth canal.  By 4am the house was exhausted, but my work was not done.  Everyone slept except for me and Jan.  I had been moved to the couch to labor in a sitting up position because standing was getting to be too tiring.  This way I rested between and even slept briefly.  Jan sat next to me, each time I contracted, encouraging and helping me.  She held my water and forced me to drink between so that I would not get dehydrated.

By 6:45am, Saturday, May 14th, I was moved to the bed again and I had Tami check me.  I just didn't understand why I wasn't feeling him move into position.  For 15 minutes she worked.  I do not remember ever experiencing anything like it before.  Josh, my faithful, loyal and courageous hero, sat next to me weeping as he encouraged me to breath and moan low.  I heard Tami say something about a foot, but mostly it was a blur.  Finally she finished and came to look me in the eyes.  She told me that Jaxon's foot was getting in the way of his butt and that it was preventing him from descending.  She said that she tried to push it back up and out of the way but he was not having it.  Then the words I somehow knew were coming, we are not going to be able to do this without medical help.  Jan and my mom were instantly moving.  Getting my clothes and bag and planning how best to get up to the hospital.  Josh and I took a moment and looked at each other before we got up.  We both cried and he held my hand.  He said that God was watching over us and that everything would be okay.  He said he was proud of me and that I did what I'd set out to do, no one could take that away from me.  We were ready to have our babies in our arms and the end was finally in sight.

I was loaded in the front seat of the truck and when I looked at the clock it said 7:01.  We were in the emergency room, which was empty 2 minutes later.  (I really can see the hospital from my front porch.)  There was no one else there and it only took a few more minutes for them to bring me to my room.  A flurry of activity proceeded as I was given an IV, an ultrasound and various other exams.  Then it was off to the OR.  The medical staff was very kind to me.  The babies were in great condition, their heart tones pinging away.  The epidural was administered and within seconds all the pain was gone.  A few more seconds and my hero was standing over me with a smile on his face in OR scrubs.  Two more seconds and the mirror went up and there were our babies, first Jaxon, then Jacob.  Jacob cried first and oh the sound of it.  The tears flowed freely down my cheeks.  It was over.  They were in the world, breathing their first breaths.  Josh went over to them and began speaking to them and touching them.  He came back to me and asked me what he should do.  He said he didn't want to leave me all alone but he also didn't want to leave his babies alone.  I told him to go to our babies.  Such a proud daddy. 

  


In the recovery room the nurses took care of the babies and me.  They asked me about my peace.  I had the biggest smile on my face.  They said that usually women who transport from home birth situations are very upset and discouraged, that some are inconsolable.  I told them that I had tried and that my God had other plans, better plans.  I said my babies are here, what is there to be sad about? 

Later in my room, which was very big and on the corner so it was quiet, I faced my family for the first time.  There were my midwives, all our parents and my two brothers.  Sometime during the process the word had gone out and they were all there to support us.  It was very touching.

We spent the next four days in the hospital.  I now had major surgery to recover from.  I was pretty incapacitated so Josh was forced to jump in and change diapers and hold babies.  At first we were both a little awkward.   They were so small and fragile.  But shortly we became experts.  Josh is the best daddy I have ever seen.  The last week and a half spent at home has been wonderful.  I feel better each day.  We split up the night so that we are both getting some solid sleep time.  This I think more than anything has really helped me to recover.  Josh takes the first half of the night, I get up to pump only.  Then at about 3am, we switch, he goes to bed and I come out to take care of the babies.  They sleep pretty well during this time and get up to feed only once or twice.  I'd planned to breastfeed them both, and I am, but we needed to supplement with formula and are continuing to do so.  I think I would have to be feeding them 24 hours a day in order to breastfeed only.  It wasn't in our plans, but then again, we've learned what our plans are, just that, plans.  What actually happens is up to God, and as long as we continue to follow his lead, I know he will never lead us wrong.

We've had plenty of help and support and lots of visitors.  The families from church have been bringing us meals, which really helps at 4am when I'm starving and need to eat.  The fridge is stocked with leftovers.  Yum.  I've even had a few helpers come over during the afternoon so that I could take a nap and Josh could get housework done.  It has been such a blessing.  Our parents have all been over to help as well.  We're getting the hang of it though, and we are working together as a team, Josh and I.  We've learned so much about ourselves and our relationship and even our God.  We've been humbled and blessed and loved and it's only going to get better.  Josh's birthday is next Thursday and when I asked him what he wanted he said that he had everything he wanted right here on this couch, where the four of us happened to be sitting, Jacob in his arms and Jaxon in mine. 

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and grace.  Continue to bless our home as we continue to honor you.