The Birth

In just less than 2 hours, my babies will be 2 weeks old.  It's been quite a while since I posted last so quickly, a recap.  By April 22nd, I was done working.  The exhaustion and swelling were getting to be too much.  Three days later, I lost my mucus plug.  Tami had me reschedule my ultrasound for that afternoon so we could find out the babies' positions.  That's when we learned that Jaxon was sitting on my cervix.  Yes, he was breach.  We talked about it and considered the risks.  Things had gone very well up until that point and breach is a viable birthing position so we decided to go ahead with our plans.  For the next three weeks I agonized, not sleeping a wink and incredibly uncomfortable, thinking that they were coming any day now.  During those weeks, I was pretty laid up.  But I didn't fill my time with  endless Stargate or Farscape on my Netflix, or even books and the computer.  I spent a lot of it just resting and contemplating.  It was in those quiet moments that God put on my heart his true love and compassion for me.  He was pleased with me.  He loved me and he would always take care of me, no matter what.  It was the "no matter what" part that struck me so deeply.  I knew back when we found out that I was carrying twins that our chance of a successful home birth went down, then when we found out Jaxon was breach they pretty much dropped to nil.  But I wanted to be faithful to the promise I'd made to myself and to God.  I wanted to labor for my children and I wanted each contraction to be a sacrifice of praise.

On May 13th, I woke from a morning nap and my water broke on the dining room floor.  Just to be sure, I tried to stop the flow, as if I had lost control of my bladder.  Nope, it kept right on coming.  The day had finally arrived.  I called Tami first and then my mom.  I texted my mother-in-law, Jan, because she was still at school.  Finally I called Josh.  It could have taken up to 12 hours for the contractions to start and I didn't want him rushing home for no reason.  It was a beautiful day.  My mom wasn't having it.  She arrived at my house at noon and at that same time I had my first contraction.  Josh was anxious to be with me so I told him to go ahead and come home.  Jan got there after school.  Things were going pretty good and by 7pm I was ready to have Tami and Brenda there.  The intensity and frequency were really picking up.  Then the work began.  From 7pm to 7am I labored with my husband, my mother and his mother.  Each in turn, holding me, bracing me or just speaking encouragement in my ear.

I really wasn't even in that place anymore.  I walked with the angels that night.  The Lord was holding my hand.  They came every 3-5 minutes and lasted about a minute each.  I was not at anytime allowed to push because of Jaxon's position.  We were planning to let the contractions and my body get him out most of the way.  But something just wasn't right.  I was dilating but he was not engaging.  He stubbornly refused to come down into the birth canal.  By 4am the house was exhausted, but my work was not done.  Everyone slept except for me and Jan.  I had been moved to the couch to labor in a sitting up position because standing was getting to be too tiring.  This way I rested between and even slept briefly.  Jan sat next to me, each time I contracted, encouraging and helping me.  She held my water and forced me to drink between so that I would not get dehydrated.

By 6:45am, Saturday, May 14th, I was moved to the bed again and I had Tami check me.  I just didn't understand why I wasn't feeling him move into position.  For 15 minutes she worked.  I do not remember ever experiencing anything like it before.  Josh, my faithful, loyal and courageous hero, sat next to me weeping as he encouraged me to breath and moan low.  I heard Tami say something about a foot, but mostly it was a blur.  Finally she finished and came to look me in the eyes.  She told me that Jaxon's foot was getting in the way of his butt and that it was preventing him from descending.  She said that she tried to push it back up and out of the way but he was not having it.  Then the words I somehow knew were coming, we are not going to be able to do this without medical help.  Jan and my mom were instantly moving.  Getting my clothes and bag and planning how best to get up to the hospital.  Josh and I took a moment and looked at each other before we got up.  We both cried and he held my hand.  He said that God was watching over us and that everything would be okay.  He said he was proud of me and that I did what I'd set out to do, no one could take that away from me.  We were ready to have our babies in our arms and the end was finally in sight.

I was loaded in the front seat of the truck and when I looked at the clock it said 7:01.  We were in the emergency room, which was empty 2 minutes later.  (I really can see the hospital from my front porch.)  There was no one else there and it only took a few more minutes for them to bring me to my room.  A flurry of activity proceeded as I was given an IV, an ultrasound and various other exams.  Then it was off to the OR.  The medical staff was very kind to me.  The babies were in great condition, their heart tones pinging away.  The epidural was administered and within seconds all the pain was gone.  A few more seconds and my hero was standing over me with a smile on his face in OR scrubs.  Two more seconds and the mirror went up and there were our babies, first Jaxon, then Jacob.  Jacob cried first and oh the sound of it.  The tears flowed freely down my cheeks.  It was over.  They were in the world, breathing their first breaths.  Josh went over to them and began speaking to them and touching them.  He came back to me and asked me what he should do.  He said he didn't want to leave me all alone but he also didn't want to leave his babies alone.  I told him to go to our babies.  Such a proud daddy. 

  


In the recovery room the nurses took care of the babies and me.  They asked me about my peace.  I had the biggest smile on my face.  They said that usually women who transport from home birth situations are very upset and discouraged, that some are inconsolable.  I told them that I had tried and that my God had other plans, better plans.  I said my babies are here, what is there to be sad about? 

Later in my room, which was very big and on the corner so it was quiet, I faced my family for the first time.  There were my midwives, all our parents and my two brothers.  Sometime during the process the word had gone out and they were all there to support us.  It was very touching.

We spent the next four days in the hospital.  I now had major surgery to recover from.  I was pretty incapacitated so Josh was forced to jump in and change diapers and hold babies.  At first we were both a little awkward.   They were so small and fragile.  But shortly we became experts.  Josh is the best daddy I have ever seen.  The last week and a half spent at home has been wonderful.  I feel better each day.  We split up the night so that we are both getting some solid sleep time.  This I think more than anything has really helped me to recover.  Josh takes the first half of the night, I get up to pump only.  Then at about 3am, we switch, he goes to bed and I come out to take care of the babies.  They sleep pretty well during this time and get up to feed only once or twice.  I'd planned to breastfeed them both, and I am, but we needed to supplement with formula and are continuing to do so.  I think I would have to be feeding them 24 hours a day in order to breastfeed only.  It wasn't in our plans, but then again, we've learned what our plans are, just that, plans.  What actually happens is up to God, and as long as we continue to follow his lead, I know he will never lead us wrong.

We've had plenty of help and support and lots of visitors.  The families from church have been bringing us meals, which really helps at 4am when I'm starving and need to eat.  The fridge is stocked with leftovers.  Yum.  I've even had a few helpers come over during the afternoon so that I could take a nap and Josh could get housework done.  It has been such a blessing.  Our parents have all been over to help as well.  We're getting the hang of it though, and we are working together as a team, Josh and I.  We've learned so much about ourselves and our relationship and even our God.  We've been humbled and blessed and loved and it's only going to get better.  Josh's birthday is next Thursday and when I asked him what he wanted he said that he had everything he wanted right here on this couch, where the four of us happened to be sitting, Jacob in his arms and Jaxon in mine. 

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and grace.  Continue to bless our home as we continue to honor you. 

A Clean House

Once again, the angels were at my house this week.  Saturday morning at 10am the troops gathered.  My mom and Hannah, and Jan and Dave, and Josh of course, cleaned my house from top to bottom.  Hannah and I sat on the couch and played cards and watched movies, but everyone else worked so hard.  I was so excited, I wanted to take pictures, but I thought about it and really, pictures of a clean house don't do it justice.  It just looks like a house.  But trust me, it's nice:)  They used the steam cleaner on all of my rugs.  The floor in my room looks brand new.

My mom brought us dinner for the second night in a row and Jan brought us chili.  It is so helpful to have meals right now.  After a day of working, I'll come home and rest for a few hours and then if I get up to make dinner, I'm wrecked for the night.  I think it is a good sign that these boys are putting on weight, but it sure doesn't help me be productive. 

As much as it might sound nice to just sit around and do nothing, it's been very hard.  I'm an active person, always out walking or skating or Tae-Bo-ing.  God has helped me get use to it though.  Since I've been so tired throughout my entire pregnancy, I've not wanted to do a whole lot, and now that it matters from a health standpoint that I be off my feet and careful, I at least know how to do it.  I'm really looking forward to the summer.  Me and the boys are going to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather if it's the last thing we do.  I plan to be at the cottage as much as I can.  I got my K'Tan wrap from Jan for a shower gift last week.  It will hold both of the boys at the same time so I can carry them and walk Thor together without pushing a bulky stroller. 

As we get closer to their arrival, sneaking worries come at me about them getting into position.  I know that "God's got this," but every once in a while I worry. 

Lord, please give me, and my family, peace about this labor and delivery.  Help us to know that you are in control and that you will finish the good work you have started in us all.  I ask also Lord that you would get Jaxon and Jacob to put their heads in the right position and help me to know how to help them do this.  Our homebirth is a statement of our faith in you, our living and loving God.  We trust you and love you.  Amen.

Blessings From Heaven

So Generous!

 

 

 

 

My Beautiful Cake

The Apron Memory Game!

Tuesday was my first baby shower.  My family at ENC put it on for me, specifically, Krista and Christine.  I was so overwhelmed by the generosity of my sisters in Christ.  We were showered with clothes, books, blankets, flowers, diapers, toys, etc.  It was amazing.  I was on the verge of tears the whole time.  I couldn't believe how lovely it was.  Hannah helped me open gifts.  It was a good thing too because I was just so filled with emotion I could hardly unwrap them.

We also found out this week that all the under boards on our roof need to be replaced.  I got home from work on Tuesday afternoon and there was no way into my house.  There were shingles everywhere.  There were two huge stacks of plywood blocking the driveway.  We needed help desperately.  There was no way we'd be able to afford the labor to pay Randy and Allen to clean up the mess.  I called my brother and he "rallied the troops".  His girlfriend Kate, Kate's sister Mary, my dad and my mother-in-law Jan all came over and helped Josh clean up the yard.  I was overwhelmed by this as well.  I had prayed for God to send some angels to our house to help us and he did.  When Jan and I came home from church with the trunk full of baby things, all the shingles were cleaned up.

My poor husband was so tired he could barely move.  We sat on the couch together, exhausted and in awe.  He was amazed by the response to our pleas for help with the roof mess as well as the tremendous amount of gifts that our church family had blessed us with.  Jan and Dave, Josh's mom and dad, stayed until 9:30pm moving plywood into our backyard in the dark. 

But that's not all.  Today, Wednesday the 13th, I came to work and my department had brought in food and gifts and decorated my office to celebrate the babies.  We gathered in the common area and they gave me their gifts.  They got me onesies, crib sheets, a crib blanket and a carseat!!  I couldn't believe it.  God is so good to me.  I don't even know how to praise him enough for the wonderful people that are in our lives. 

Nearing the Finish Line

We're just about 33 weeks along now.  Tami and I have decided that it will be best if I shorten my work week.  I'm going to start working fewer hours each week until May.  Then in May, I'll be done working.  I'm so excited at the prospect of getting the boys stuff all washed and put away, having their bed made up and getting my new sleeping arrangements settled.  I'll be moving into the spare room on the main floor so that I don't have to do the steps so much and with the babies when they get here. 

Right now Josh is working on the house, fiercely.  He's pretty much done with the ceramic tile in the kitchen and is moving on to the roof.  His boss is going to help him finish the roof next week.  Then it will be the walls and trim in the kitchen and the doors to my bathroom and basement.  They're being replaced altogether.  The floor looks beautiful.  I can't wait to see my kitchen put back together.  Jan, our mom, cam over today to help Josh paint.  It looks great and I know he appreciated having her.

My first baby shower is next week Tuesday at my church, Eagle's Nest Church.  I'm so excited!  My mom, sister, step-grandma and mother-in-law are all going to come.  My little sister, Hannah, picked out a bunch of board books for the boys at Love Inc., her favorite consignment shop in Hudsonville.  I'm just so excited to celebrate this pregnancy with anyone who will join me.  It's been so blessed.  I told the ladies at my church to make sure everyone knew gifts were optional.  Also, that I would be perfectly happy with hand-me-downs or second hand things.  I didn't want anyone not to come because they couldn't afford to get us a gift.  This is about thanking God for his faithfulness and blessings.

Physically, I'm doing pretty well.  It's hard to sleep at night because of how heavy my belly is, it makes me uncomfortable after a short time, so I wake up a lot.  Of course there's the bathroom visits constantly as well.  The only major thing I've had to deal with lately is fatigue and muscle pain in my belly from holding them up all day.  For the past few weeks, I've had to come home and lay on my back with all of the downward pressure relieved.  The pain of it made me nauseated a few times.  On the weekends, I do only a few small things, but mostly it's been catching up on rest to get prepared for a week of work.  Going down to a shortened schedule will really help I think.  Also, knowing that I only have 3 more weeks to work will make it easier to get through. 

I also got my pictures from Stacie back this week.  Here are a few that I really thought captured my pure joy and praise.  She released the copyrights on them for me because she used my session as a training session and is going to write it off for her taxes next year.  She was such a blessing to work with.  I highly recommend her for all of your photography needs.  Here is a link to her Facebook page.  Link

Thank you Lord for your grace and strength as I near the end of the first part of this journey.  I ask that you would bless our delivery and the beginning of the next chapter in our lives.  Amen.

God's Plans?

What a whirlwind week it's been.  We got the report back from the radiologist who reviewed the ultrasound pictures.  Everything looks great.  The boys are almost 3 lbs. each and there are only a few ounces difference between them.  They're also measuring larger by a week and a half so we're expecting them to arrive around mid-May rather than the end of May.  That's fine with Josh and I as we are very anxious to meet them. 

I had a prenatal appointment with Tammie and Brenda (Tammie's apprentice).  We heard both of the boys heart beats and found both of their heads.  Jaxon is head down on the right and Jacob is head up on the left.  I was concerned that she might not want to deliver them if one of them was breech, but my concern was unwarranted.  She has no problem delivering a breech baby as long as the first one is head first.  I was relieved because I know that as they both get bigger there will be less room for them to move around and get into position. 

I am continually open to the holy spirit's conviction about "our plans".  I want to make sure that the plans we are following are God's plans.  Without his personal playbook in front of us we feel like our only option is to be informed, prayerful and open to his correction.  Josh is the rock in our family.  He keeps reassuring me that everything is going to be ok.  It's nice to have him in my corner.  He is taking such good care of me. 

The Beginning

I thought I'd start this blog with a brief story about how we came to be where we are today.  As a couple, Josh and I decided to start trying to get pregnant in August 2010.  We found out that we were successful in this endeavor on September 23, 2010.  I knew that I was pregnant about a week or so before that, but we took our test on that day so that is the day we "found out." 

I was so excited, having wanted a baby for years, that I couldn't keep it quiet.  We announced our pregnancy at 7 weeks gestation.  It was a little early by some social standards, but I've never been one to conform to standards I didn't create myself.  Our families were thrilled.  Josh's parents were so happy to finally be getting a grandbaby they didn't have to fly 1300 miles to see.

Our first trimester was fairly uneventful.  My only real pregnancy symptom was fatigue.  I took naps in the soft seating at my office on my breaks and lunches and went to bed early every night.  I did have a little bit of nausea in the afternoons but as long as I ate a snack I was ok.  In fact as long as I ate all day I was ok. Lol.

We had decided even before we began trying to get pregnant that we wanted to have a natural homebirth.  We knew a few other couples who had done this successfully and were very happy with their decision.  For us, it was about having as natural a pregnancy and delivery as possible.  We wanted to give our best to our baby and that meant following the natural course God had laid out for birthing.  We trusted him completely to guide us in our decision and in the pregnancy so that we'd be giving our child the best start at life. 

We are both informed and self-educated, despite our college degrees, so we started doing our research to figure out just what we wanted in our birth experience.  Armed with a tablet of questions, we set out to find our midwife.  Tammie was recommended to us by friends who had her deliver both of their babies.  We met her and her apprentice Brenda and were blown away.  We knew as we drove home that night after talking with them for over two hours that God had chosen Tammie and Brenda for us. 

The holidays came and went.  We started planning and talking about the arrival.  I continued to exercise and eat well and things seemed to be going as planned.  I did start showing a little early for a first pregnancy, but most of us thought it was because I had a skinny belly to begin with.  Josh was the only one who disagreed.  He has said from the beginning that he thought we were going to have twins.  He would look at my growing abdomen and say that it was wider than most, or sticking out farther or shaped differently.  Little did I know at the time, he had prayed to God and asked for twins before we started trying to get pregnant.  His motives for seeing two babies were driven by his desire and his faith in God that his prayers would be answered. 

Towards the end of January, the movements that I was feeling started to take on a unique character.  There seemed to be two distinct sets of movements going on at any one time.  At the top of my belly I'd feel rata-tat-tats while at the same time on my pelvic floor I'd be feeling rumpa-pum-pums.  I started to look at my crazy husband a little differently.  He could be right about this whole twin thing.  Then, at my January 25 pre-natal appointment with Tammie, I measured much larger than I should have and for the first time she said, "could you be having twins?"  It shook me to the core.  Was she serious?  I brought the news home to Josh and with a completely straight face he said to me, "I don't know why you're so surprised.  I've been telling you this all along." 

February brought more of the same movement patterns and I began to become emotionally attached to my two babies.  I talked to them as individuals and reveled in their movements and responses.  With the certainty also came doubts.  I began to get nervous about their health, about potential birthing complications and about everything that people told me I should be worried about.  My prayers became intense and pleading.  I begged God to confirm for me what I already knew in my heart to be true.  On Thursday, February 17, 2011 he did just that.

I walked away from that bible study Thursday evening with an amazed and assured heart.  I realized I needed to get serious about planning and understanding my situation.  On Friday afternoon I called Tammie.  She told me that I needed to get an ultrasound so that we could make sure everything was ok.  Josh and I had agreed previously that the only way we would do this was if Tammie wanted us to.  Otherwise we were in agreement that an ultrasound was more intervention than we were comfortable with. 

Over the weekend I announced to my dear friends and family that I had received confirmation from God that I was carrying twins and that we were going to have the scientific proof within the week.  Josh and I went to church on Sunday and told everyone that we were having twins.  There were some skeptics and some believers but all were interested to see the results of the test.

Monday morning I called my doctor and she managed to schedule my ultrasound for Tuesday at 7:45am.  It was perfect.  By 3am on Tuesday I was so anxious to see them both I couldn't sleep.  My mom picked me up at 7:15am and we drove the three blocks to the hospital.  I repeated the word over and over in my head and to my mother, "the Lord does not make fools of those who step out in faith in his name."  And that is precisely what I had done.  I'd believed what he told me, I said it out loud, giving him the glory and now I was going to get the proof to show the world how awesome he was. 

The very first things we saw on the screen as the technician placed the wand on my belly were their two precious heads lying right next to each other.  I have never been more filled with joy and praise in my whole life.  I wanted to scream out loud with delight at the awesome-ness of my God.  His word had been proved true for all the world to see.  His faithfulness was displayed in all its glory.  The rest of the day passed in a joyous blur.  I called all my close family and shared the news.  Josh was first and he was so excited to hear that the twins he had prayed for were also both boys.  Our parents were in awe.  They couldn't believe it.  My mom especially was touched to have been with me when we found out.

While I have yet to get the official radiologist's report, the techinician indicated to us that they both looked very healthy and were, in fact, measuring a little bigger than we would expect at 26 weeks.  My two big, healthy boys have thier names already, Jaxon Russell Wright and Jacob David Wright.  While there is still so much to think about, to plan for and to make decisions about, right at this moment we are resting in the peace that is the faithfulness of God.  Josh and I firmly believe that his hands are all over this pregnancy and our babies.  We are believing that we will be able to continue with our plans to birth naturally at home and that I will carry them to full term or longer if they need it.  Josh and my family are so supportive that I know I will be able to accomplish all this and more.  For now the "Baby Oven", (that's me:)) is just happy to get to start planning for her boys.